my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
