He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
