Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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