Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
