As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
this is an emotional support booty call
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
