the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
