I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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