Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
