So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
areolas are like halos for boobs.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
