:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
