I've blown a few things in my day
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
