I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
