There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
