I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
