I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
