there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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