can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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