i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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