and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
