Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
