Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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