I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
