Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
