After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I believe in your delicious
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
