A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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