Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
