I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
