I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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