just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
