i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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