I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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