i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
