we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
