I cockslap morals
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
