we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
40s are totally the cure
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
