Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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