Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
