ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
