He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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