I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
