I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
