Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
