If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
