That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
