it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
