I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
