I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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