Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
