I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
