mondays should just be called national damage control day
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
