i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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