There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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