i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
