I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
