Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
did you just send me my own nude
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
