I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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