Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
