Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
