you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
